Commercial Break

Bonjour, mon cher. I trust you are feeling, as you english say, "tip top" today? Yes? Bien. I, for one, am feeling trés bon. And now, would you like un petit bois? Some brandy, perhaps, or maybe une gin et tonique? Voíla!

Hercúle Poirot is undoubtedly the coolest cat in Belgium. Firstly, the french accent lends itself to one's aural comfort more so than the german one - but he's also got that damn fine mustache. The man is impeccable. I just watched it for an hour, and he played monopoly throughout. "You are right, Hastings - in the end, the game does come down to skill". But sadly, ITV under-markets its products in favour of trashy talent (you can work the irony out for yourself there) shows like X-Factor, instead of making some good commercials for its programmes. I mean, Wuthering Heights, the new adaptation showing on ITV2. Firstly, why regulate it to the secondary channel? It's a classic novel for pete's sake, not Gossip Girl. And secondly, why don't they ever make good trailers? Look at the way BBC advertise Doctor Who, Torchwood or Desperate Romantics. Regardless of the content or status, at least they try. But the ITV ones all have the little logo in the corner, are too short and have a silly voiceover. There's no suspense and no care taken in the production, just a series of clips hastily glued together.

It's not as if they've got nothing to work with, because they are one of Britain's most watched networks. But it's as if they're working in a supermarket own-brand mindset - they have to have a celebrity name attached to it or it doesen't air. That documentary about the greatest cities of the world? Why does it have to have Gryff Rhys Jones? Why not just cut his name off the front, and not go to the completley obvious places? Or Piers Morgan's most expensive cities or whatever that was. You could have made that mildly interesting instead of just showcasing his face - but it seems they are only interested in promoting the personalities who dominate its schedule. I'm not chastising them for chasing viewers, because celebrity sells. They just market it badly and cheaply. It's not good business sense.

One more thing - why not change the obviously fixed-time ad breaks in favour of picking an opportune moment? Channel Four at least waits for a scene-change to show Cillit Bang commercials, but ITV just plonks them in there. The Daleks are more subtle. "But Poirot, we haven't caught the kill- HELLO I'M BARRY SCOTT BUY THIS KITCHEN CLEANER OR YOUR DAUGHTER GETS THROWN TO THE SHARKS! LIMESCALE, RUST, GROUND IN DIRT - BANG! AND YOUR CHILDREN ARE GONE!"

But I'm just an annoying media studies student who doesen't know anything, don't listen to me.