Happy Hiker

I'm back, only to leave again in three weeks time. Miss me yet? I thought you would, but don't start crying just yet - you might shortcircuit the keyboard with the flood of tears and electrocute yourself, and then I'd have blood on my hands and there would be a whole kerfuffle and nobody wants that.

Anyone who has ever carried a third of their bodyweight over Jacob's Ladder, I salute you. It's bloody hard! The Peak District is gloriously beuatiful, stunning beyond words. It is, perhaps, the most English place in the world; it has rain, hills, grey clouds, uneducated people and mills. It lacks the blasted moors of Yorkshire or the haunting steppes of the Scottish highlands, but Derbyshire's undulating dales, faerie woods and limestone screes are nontheless gorgeous. And, although in my mind it does not even begin to contend with the dramatic vistas that greet the eye in the Lake District, it is completely unspoiled and unknown. Maybe it is because it is without the gleaming tarns and noble mountains, that it is more pretty - because the tourist trade, that rampant beast that eats and spits out landscapes, hasn't reared its greedy head. The image to the right is of myself, claiming the mountain for the glory of Her Majesty's Empire. God save the Queen!

Admittedly it is not really a mountain, just a hill with a good name, Losehill Pike. The next picture, of the Lotschenpass in Oberland, Switzerland - now that's a mountain. The pass stretches over the glacier, just under the Balmhorn and the Hockenhorn. When they have "horn" on the end it means they're EXTREME. With a capital"X". I'm quite the hiker, I'll concede. I look a lot like those Hikers or Campers from the original Pokémon games - the ones that always had Rock pokémon. Except I never used Rock types and if I had a real life Pokémon, it would be Charmander. Or Squirtle, or Pikachu - the rest are, quite frankly, useless. Actually the Ghosts are snazzy but useless against psychics. Oh dear god I'm nerdy.

So I'm off to Lanzarote on thursday, which means no bloggy blog for long time, though you can still read my Jukebox blog, which attempts to review the iTunes Free Single of the Week, however in doing this I have inadvertently given myself a deadline - just like a proper journalist. And in true proffessional style, I have missed it. There's two reviews waiting to be written, though I've done all my research (meticulously detailed on post-it notes) and all that is needed is a vital injection of willpower.

That's got me thinking; Willpower would be a great name for a drug, and one that would really confuse teachers too. How could they encourage highschool students to study and work hard if they have to publically condemn willpower at the same time? Seriously, the drug barons in this world should go to some marketing classes or something - they could really improve their profits with some careful product differentiation ("Crack" is hardly an appetising brand name now is it?). And on that bombshell, I'll be seeing you.