Don't Comment

Today has been probably, one of the least productive days in the history of my existence. I read a few chapters of my book, downloaded one song, engaged in a spot of light psychopathy on GTA: San Andreas (if you're unfamiliar, this is one of those games children should avoid) and now I'm blabbering useless drivel all over the internet like a chronically diarrheoa-stricken greyhound running down the street.

But I'm not the only person doing nothing. Ever been on a news website or the BBC homepage and scrolled the bottom to check out the comments? If not, you are truly blessed. I have no idea why online comment-debates attract nutjobs and people who, if saying these things in the street, would be sectioned under the Mental Health Act. Only certain websites leave these literary stinkbombs festering at the end of all their articles - most moderate the completely insane postings - taking out the word "c*nt", for example, or removing the posts that claim "the Jews are running the world and are hours away from turning their intergalactic crystal death rays on us all and that this country used to be GREAT Britain", as if the geographical names of places really signify a region's worth. We don't have to always have a king on the throne just because we're called the United Kingdom. Oh and none of these conspiracy theorists, despite knowing the Truth, can spell. I'd like to think that the would-be saviours of mankind can at least use the english language in a comprehensible manner.

The ones on the Guardian's website are the best - with their "Comment is Free" policy, they don't moderate unless it's reported.The commenters' register always sounds like they just walked into a gay bar and realised it's not for them; they walk up to the barman and order a pint of real ale without clicking that the only drinks on offer are appletinis. "What you lefties don't realise is that I eat meat BECAUSE it hurts the animals" might be a sample.

But let's stop and think here; this is the Guardian we're talking about. It's Britain's only quality leftwing newspaper - the website is always going to be full of "lefties" - so why do commentors sound so surprised? If you take any stock in these opinions - expressed by people who link the fact that they got unemployed on the same day that their wife left them and recieved full custody of the kids with a global conspiracy - then stop now. The people of Britain by large aren't clever enough to vote for the right party. I can't tell you which party is right because I don't know myself. It's likely we'll never know. Even if they do turn up at one stage they won't get voted in. Tough shit.