Seriously Now

So yeah, climate change. I tend to take a pretty nonchalant view towards it (i.e. we're all going to die, so don't have a hissy fit), but I know it's real. Why? Because it's science. And science is irrefutable, infallible logic. There isn't such a thing as "environmentalism" because it is free of politics and dogma; logic just happens.

Firstly, remember two things; science is based on the idea of theories - you formulate one (say, that the world's average temperature is increasing) and you make experiments and take readings and poke lizards and suchlike in an effort to disprove that theory. Fact on fact, mano el mano. You don't have to believe in science because all science follows logic (and uses logic to find any possible, disproving flaws in other logic). So when nearly all the science points to a general rise in temperature, which will subsequently upset our planet's environmental balance (like, the increase of freshwater into the Gulf Stream, which would make things colder. SNOW DOES NOT DISPROVE GLOBAL WARMING), we have to take it as fact. You don't have to believe it because it is cold hard fact. There is not debate about climate change except for what to do about it; science is logic and logic does not require debate. That's what Nigel Lawson was banging on about in last week's Question Time and he was an idiot and looked like Joseph Fritzl. Debate is for philosophers and Aristotle never got his chemistry A Level by arguing the toss.

Before anyone says "You're not qualified, Sam", I'm not saying I am. But, I have three B's in GCSE triple-sciences, and have watched An Inconvenient Truth and that basically puts me in the 15% of the population who actually understand climate change (trust me, there are a lot of morons in Britain. Just look at the EDL).

Secondly, the ice caps are melting. More gases in the air means that more heat from the Sun gets locked in the planet's atmosphere, meaning we get hotter. You can't dispute that, they showed the pictures of the icebergs on Newsround for Christ's sake. More heat means more melting and that means more water in the sea which means higher sea levels. You can't dispute that, it's right in front of us. It's happening. By the way, predicting climate change is a). prone, as all science is, to anomalies and human error. Get over it. b). it's completely different to predicting the weather for Tuesday. The fact that the weatherman said it's gonna rain and it was just a bit overcast does not disprove the whole environmental change science canon, dickwad.

People who "deny" climate change are just stupid, plain stupid. They won't come around to a sensible point of view because they made up their minds as soon as they saw Al Gore trying to tell the world about this shit. They saw that this scenario conflicted with all their politics, so they deny that it is happening at all. Here's a conspiratorial correlation for you: ever noticed how it's the US Republican party - the guys who are perpetually, always, always the bad guys - who don't like climate change? They don't even cover their evil stuff up (Dick Cheney is the CEO of Halliburton, wake up guys), so is it any surprise that the party with connections to the oil lobby (not just connections, more like umbilicle cords) doesen't like a situation that calls ultimately for the disuse of oil?

Ever noticed how it's the idiots who believe in UFO's who don't like climate change? The people who believe in made-up deities with bipolar personalities? Denying climate change is tantamount to, possibly worse than denying Darwin's Theory of Evolution because climate change is threatening our way of life. Darwin just threatened the church, and all he did was to look at the world in front of his eyes. Quite frankly, if the Bible can't stand up to that amount of scrutiny, then it deserves to be consigned to the wastepaper basket.

Look, even if climate change is not caused by mankind's addiction to hydrocarbon emissions, it's still happening. Something is fucking up the atmosphere, and it looks 99% like it's us. And even if it was the sun, or something. We're still gonna run out of oil. Any ideas how to fix that one, numbnuts? You can't put ten-pound notes in your petrol engine, David. So we still need windfarms or hydroelectric farms or nuclear power (which has a bad rep, it's actually pretty ace - there's just this crazy gloopy shit we don't know what to do with. We should probably dump it in Somalia or somewhere nobody cares about) to fix the energy defecit.

Of course people will put any possible action off until the last possible moment, at which they will throw their arms out in a Jesus-pose and blame New Labour for everything. They're not all that bad really. I got a pretty good education (even if the school looked like a maximum security prison, but you can't blame Gordon for that, even if you try really hard) out of them, we also got the minimum wage and the Freedom of Information Act. Aside from the political aspect, people won't do anything about it. They have the power - in their ballot-papers, of course, but because we're all hampered by class divisions and party loyalties or just straight-out racism if you're voting BNP, we won't elect anybody prepared to really solve the world's problems with an actual solution.

Ultimately though, the reason is that we can't look beyond our own wallets. I guess it's human nature, you spend your whole life accruing resources for the sole purpose of attracting females/cementing your place as alpha male of the suburbs and the government - whose efforts don't seem to benefit your - takes some of your money away. And why should you help those other people? Why should your taxes be spent on fixing roads in Scotland, when you live in Cornwall?

People are selfish and cold-hearted and they don't want to change unless they can see a bonus for themselves. It's times like these you can't help but think that people do not deserve democracy. It's too good for them.